Melissa Moore
One of my favorite childhood memories is my family decorating our Christmas tree every year. We would listen to specific Christmas music and have a table full of delicious holiday snacks and drinks. We would open all the Christmas boxes and ooh and ahh over all the old ornaments one at a time. Everyone participated and looked at each one. We would divide up all the ornaments to see who is going to put each one on the tree. It was a lovely evening with wonderful quality family time. I continued this beautiful tradition with my family.
Not as Planned
Well, the tradition worked for my family for a few years. Then one year it became abundantly clear that it was not working anymore. Two of my four children hated this tradition. They did not enjoy the “chore” of unpacking the decorations and decorating the tree while reminiscing. They did not like talking about all the memories as we looked at old ornaments. For three years each Christmas, I fought, bargained, and negotiated with my kids to keep the tradition alive. I was trying to make it an event just like my childhood memories. In the end, we were all miserable and it wasn’t working. The beautiful family moment I had planned ended in tears, frustration, and a half-decorated Christmas tree.
Reflection and Purpose
My husband and I needed to reflect on this tradition to see what needed to be done. We discussed the following questions:
What was the purpose of this family tradition?
Was the tradition accomplishing its intended purpose?
Were we just doing it because it has always been done?
Was the tradition healthy and loving for each member of my family?
Should we change the tradition to meet the needs of our family?
Should we stop the tradition completely?
Is there another tradition that we can start that better meets the needs of our family?
Our family traditions should serve the purpose of helping us love God more and love others more. There are lots of other wonderful things that family traditions can accomplish such as serving, building, decorating, cooking, remembering special things, and so much more. But the heart of every family tradition should be helping us fulfill the two great commandments.
Matthew 22:36-40
36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” 37 Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
Flexible
We must be flexible to make changes that are best for our family. Being able to carry on some traditions for several generations while other traditions are only effective for a season. We have to be flexible about what is working for our family. What is at the heart of the tradition? As our children get older things change. As we meet new people we may learn new traditions we want to incorporate. We may discover new places to go that can change our traditions. We want to be open to building new memories. Open to creating new healthy traditions that show love for God and love for others.
We have changed our tradition of how we decorate the Christmas tree. Now we have several shorter nights of decorating with whoever wants to participate each evening. The oohing, ahhing and reminiscing is now only done by me. We have changed or created new Christmas-time family traditions that make every member of the family feel loved. We have fun and spend time together doing things we love and things that allow us to grow in our love for Jesus and others.
