1 Peter 4:12 says, “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.” There are many circumstances that fall under the term “fiery trial”. Let’s talk about the fiery trial that produces grief in our soul and how to manage and get victory over it all.
Grief
According to the Oxford Dictionary, grief is defined as deep sorrow, especially when it is caused by someone's death. In our lifetime we will deal with health issues within the family, a loss of a close friend or family member, miscarriage within our circle, or the loss of a dream. These are several scenarios that couples will potentially navigate throughout their marriages. The question is, like the verse above tells us, are we preparing ourselves for the situation, or are we living in a way that will blindside us? Are we prepared with the tools to take it head on?
Planning For Grief
In marriage, we often vision cast and set goals. What does the next year look like? How about five years from now? Ten, Twenty, etc.? But, have we ever thought about trial casting? Preparing ourselves for the realities that come with life. Are we having the hard conversations of what our non-negotiables are going to be when we are confronted with a difficult situation?
The emotions that well up inside of us during moments of grief are anger, loneliness, fear, anxiety, and perhaps regret. Putting together a game plan with your spouse on how you will process these emotions can put you in a place of health and on a path to healing.
Here are a couple of ideas that perhaps you could sit down with your spouse and begin to talk about; putting together a process so that when you find yourself dealing with grief, it will not pull you apart but rather draw you closer to the Lord and to each other.
Looking To The Lord
Isaiah 26:3, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You”. When we keep our mind on the Lord it allows us to have a perspective that sees the big picture. In all reality, there is nothing other than the comfort of the Holy Spirit that can provide the peace we are looking for. When we place that expectation for peace on our spouse, we begin to create a divide between ourselves and our spouse, because we don’t feel that peace and our spouse is frustrated that they can’t provide that peace for us.
Psalm 29:11 tells us “The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace.” John 14:27 says, “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give you… Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” When we look to the Lord, we begin to experience a peace that passes all understanding as He guards our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:7). Spend time now, not just when the storm hits, so that you are in the habit of abiding in Christ.
Encouraging Each Other
When one or the other within the marriage is dealing with grief, it is important that each of us know that our spouse will stand with us throughout that time. In our resource “Two Becoming One” we share a Biblical principle from Genesis 2:25 which tells us that Adam and Eve were both naked and not ashamed. The challenge to us, even in a post Genesis 3 world, is to create an environment, through the power of the Holy Spirit, within our homes that our spouse, regardless of what they are dealing with, have the freedom to share, cry, and express any emotion necessary to get to a place of healing.
With grief, we need to make sure that we are loving our spouse as they go through the various stages that come with this journey. A way to begin establishing this type of environment is to understand and implement the power of praying together in the face of grief. Prayer usually leads to oneness and agreement on your current and next steps together.
Determine to Respond in Faith as you Grieve Together
When you are experiencing the full force of grief, it is easy to become discouraged, fearful, anxious, blame others and sometimes even blame God. The prayer is that we would be in tune with the Holy Spirit and respond with a Biblical perspective. When we have renewed our minds with Scripture and are in prayerful union with God and our spouse, we have the choice of responding in faith. Choosing to override our human instinct. It is amazing how the Holy Spirit steps in. even when we don’t know how to pray or ask (Romans 8:26).
Don and Sally share in the book “Two Becoming One”, “Trials are not pleasant, but the anguish that comes with them can be mitigated by knowing that God will use them to perfect you." At all costs, do not allow trials to drive you and your spouse apart. If the trial persists and the pain becomes too much, seek the wisdom of a Christian counselor or church leader. Jesus says, ‘Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest’ (Matthew 11:28).”
