Shelly Foshee
Being married for over 40 years and spending over 30 years intentionally prioritizing each other, studying God’s word concerning marriage, reading Christian books and attending Christian marriage retreats, our marriage is not perfect, but it is happy, healthy and strong. When we teach certain skills pertaining to marriage and give an example of how we accomplish this, people respond by saying “Yeah, but that’s you guys. It’s simple for you.”
It Takes Work
When talking to couples, one of the things we say repeatedly is “being married is the hardest job you will ever have. It takes a lot of prioritizing and intentionality, but the benefits far outweigh the costs and effort you will put forth”.
At times, it is frustrating because the couples sitting in front of us now, see the product of many years of investment in and servanthood towards each other. When we tell them of how we fought like cats and dogs for years, yelling at each other, calling each other names and generally being unloving toward each other, I can tell in their eyes they do not believe us. Yet it is true! We were selfish kids that were determined to win at all costs and have our way no matter what.
Do The Work
When God first began His work in our marriage, it did not have to do with the marriage directly. It was an individual work of sanctification. On a side note, this is a great place to start if you want your marriage to be better. Do the inward work and allow the Holy Spirit to expose sin and areas of growth within you. Look inward to change, rather than outward at your spouse to change. As this work is being accomplished you will be amazed at how it impacts your marriage.
You may be the only one in the relationship doing this work, but I am confident that you will see a difference for the better. Either your perspective will change or the work you are doing will attract your spouse to make positive changes also. (Ephesians 4:23 and I Peter 3:1) With consistency, you will begin to become aware of a difference not only in your marriage, but in your life as a whole.
Results of the Work
My purpose in writing this blog, is to make you aware that any relationship that is happy, healthy and strong takes a steady prioritization, intentionality and self-sacrifice on both parties involved. Deep and strong ties come, just like many other things in life, over time and consistency. Do not believe the lie of the enemy that your relationship can never be happy, healthy and strong. This is offered to each of us. Marriage is taking two sinners and combining their entire lives together to make one. Everything we do impacts the other. This will not happen easily or overnight. But do not be fooled, any work of the Holy Spirit is directly opposed by Satan. Be aware of that, so that you can identify what it is. Call the enemy out and tell him to leave.
Make Your Choice
Each of us has a choice. I am not saying that it will be easy, but I do say it will be worth it. Remember to pray for each other consistently. You will both need it as you persevere through the hard work and the trials along the way. One may move at a faster pace than the other. That is okay. Allow God to do the work. We can make no changes in ourselves without the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. We definitely cannot change another person at all! So be patient with each other. Give grace and mercy where needed. Then pray some more.
The need to be intentional and prioritize each other will only end when you take your last breath. It is not easy for any of us, but over time, you will create habits that align with God’s purposes for your relationship, and it becomes easier. Things shift as the Holy Spirit does His work. You will walk more in sync with each other. You will become more aware of each other’s needs.
God Can and Will
When we run into people that only knew us prior to the work we did as individuals and then in our marriage, they are in shock that we are in marriage ministry now. Their mouths drop open, and they literally cannot believe it. All I can say is BUT GOD! It is only by His grace and mercy and the work that we have allowed the Holy Spirit to do within us that we are where we are today. Do not put your marriage or any another marriage in a box. Allow them to grow and change. To better reflect what God intended in marriage. (Genesis 2:25 – Read our blog from April of this year https://www.christianfamilylife.com/shame/ )Look for a couple that has the type of marriage you want and glean from them.
